"And while I may sometimes complain about how things aren’t necessarily exactly how I want them; I got what I asked for."
I’ve always been an extremely private person. While being vibrant, fun and exciting, my personal affairs always led me to seclusion. I wasn’t always this way but trauma and life changes can unknowingly change the way you deal with situations and people altogether. Daily, I see friends and family disclose sensitive and vulnerable information about themselves, their life, their kids, their families and I cringe at the thought of me being so open and transparent with the good ole world wide web. It gave me anxiety to see posts with such intimate, detailed and sometimes heavy posts from those who I admired (Do I really need to know you got a yeast infection while you were on vacation last week???). For the most part, I’ve always been one to celebrate my wins in private, mourn my losses in private, love in my relationships privately and even discuss my political and religious outrage privately. Part of it was because I firmly believed I would have my VH1 Behind the Music episode that would detail all of the highlights and that I would have a catalogue of clips to show who I am and interviews from my peers describing sensitive yet exciting parts of my life… but #lezbehonest VH!’S Behind the Music died right along with 106 & Park and Pop Up videos so the best I’ll get (for now) are the impromptu snaps on IG and Snapchat of me being my silly (or fabulous) self on my friends’ stories. So here I am… finally ready to be more transparent about who I am today (not the sangin' diva from high school, or the sparkly bra, tight wearing drama queen at AMDA, or even the damsel in distress drowning in heartbreak). I am at the place in my life where I actually received what I asked God for… well at least part 1. And while I may sometimes complain about how things aren’t necessarily exactly how I want them; I got what I asked for. Insert Example: I asked God to help me write an album: done, to record the album: done, to actually release the album: done, to make money off the album: done, to tour with the album: done. I completed everything I ever sought out to do with my project “Teriyaki”. From recording a music video, to interviews and radio play to touring and doing this all as an independent artist was beyond me. I owe it all to God and to YOU; the person reading this that cares enough about my artistry and my journey to tune in. I’m extremely blessed to have YOU. I was to a point where I had to literally stop and reassess my goals because even though creating a project was extremely challenging at times (blood, sweat and tears), it was rewarding because I did it… I proved to myself aka my toughest critic that I could finish something that I was proud of and complete a goal that so many artists aspire to do. As artists’ we all aspire to have a catalogue and many of us work on things for years before finally releasing material we deem worthy enough to the ears of the world. I never got to do Thank You’s in a cd booklet (buh bye CD's) for Teriyaki so I’ll do a quick shout out now:
Thanks to my parents for pushing me and supporting my dreams always. Thank You to Timeless Studios, Young Ex, Pat, Siobhan, Asia, Mr Vegas, Rekesh, Tonya, Lucre and Bryan. Ya'll made this thang come alive with your talents, inspiration and support.
With all that being said, I have truly redefined what success looks like. It looks like personal goals being met consistently, it looks like falling on your face and getting up with a whoops while smiling, it looks like achieving a main goal and being lost till your next one, it looks like gratitude in abundance, it looks like being open, expressive and inviting. Whatever area of your life or whatever step you are in towards your goals just know that this thing is a never-ending climb… ain't no finish line #bih so we have to allow the fear of flying to dissipate. Whenever you feel discouraged write a list of all the things you’ve achieved this year… not the setbacks but the #setups cause that’s all that goals are… #setups for the next #setups so take it easy. I look forward to sharing more with YOU. That’s been one of my goals this year. So cheers to us.